The roads are slick with snow and it is cold inside the car. The poor guy, the driver, his hands have to be freezing. So I ask him “Hey friend, your hands cold? Want me to warm ‘em up?”. The driver says to me “Be quiet, we’re almost there”. His fat friend says after a while and with a chuckle, “You’ve got your hands pinned behind your back, you must be really warm huh?” We leave it at that. Then they drop me off. It’s late and it’s cold and it’s gotta be the seediest part of town. The car flashes those abominable red lights and screeches away. My eyes hurt, damn red lights, that damn driver, good thing his hands are cold, might get in a car crash. I had to sit down. Damn lights. I’m sorry, don’t think much about the lights, I just don’t like them. I know a lot of people who don’t like seafood, seafood upsets them. Light can upset me. I want Leanne. Oh man is it cold, I have to get home. Please stay with me a while. It’s cold and it’s lonely and we can talk. Now, I had mentioned that this was a seedy part of town and it is. It is very seedy and dangerous and all that. I’ve been reading why. They say it’s because the folks here can’t start their own businesses because the banks won’t lend them money because the banks don’t trust them and all. They say it’s like that but I wasn’t born yesterday. I know why. It’s because of sleep. Sleep is so important to your health and bodily functions. Think about it, folks around here worry and fuss all the time, they fight and they drink and they never get the sleep they need. So the next day they do it all over again and feel even sleepier. Then they gotta work and there’s no sleeping at work. After a while it feels like you’re fighting against gravity. And then those damn cars with those red lights come back. It’s just not fair, they don’t understand that my head hurts. They keep everybody up. Again don’t think anything of it, anything at all, it’s a lot like diabetes I always say. Like my old man, he had high blood pressure but he never meant any of those things that he did. Say, you seem like the kind of guy who’s interested in stuff. I might as well tell you what I’ve been up to, we are reaching a very special place. I suppose it’s not any more special than any other place, it’s just the first place I thought of telling you something important. Now, I used to be a part of a Church a while back and it was a beautiful place. It was warm and it had chairs and there was food. The people talked about God and Jesus Christ and they were always yelling and shouting and crying. One day it got to me, it really did when they said that good old Christ came down for the Broken. Isn’t everybody broken? So that’s what I did, I changed the sign to something that would reflect who we were. This is what I wrote “Please join us, we are a bunch of broken people looking to Jesus Christ to Reedem Us.” They didn’t like that and they didn’t ask me to come back and so I didn’t. I’ve had to walk all my life so I can’t take you in a car and whisk you away. When you’re with me, you’ll never watch lights and trees and buildings melt together with the blur of speed. No when you’re with me we’ll take things one step at a time in the most personal way possible. Walking. And it’s beautiful. Because right now we are about to see a Concrete Building. It’s very special because it was made out of concrete. Now concrete was invented by the Romans and they thought it was revolutionary because they didn’t need supports ringing through it. It’s remarkably hard and cold. It was a late night and I was tired and I couldn’t go home so I fell asleep on a Concrete Building. It was so cold. The next morning my feet were black and the concrete was warm. You’d better believe that the concrete stole my warmth, stole it from underneath my three pairs of socks. So I was angry and I asked the concrete why it did what it did? I asked kindly and quietly. The Universe appreciates it when you are kind to its creatures. They say the Universe was made out of the Big Bang and that our whole existence is a coincidence. It’s either that or God created everything. If God did, then he was a mathematician. I swear to God, there’s math everywhere. Everything’s got a pattern, everything’s got a color, a smell, a texture, that can be turned into a number. Everything’s got a plan that you can follow down to the wire. Red’s got a number too. Everything was written. Or formulated, whatever. Now, what if there was a Master Equation? One that told of everything that was and will be? There has to be, there’s an equation for time and space and geometry and cups of eggs and pinches of salts there’s gotta be one for everything that was and will be. I’m going to find it, if I don’t Leanne will. I’m going to tell you how they make concrete. You get aggregate, cement, water, chemical admixtures and reinforcement. You mix it together, reinforcement is optional. People say I’m the criminal type. I’m not, I’m really not. Now I know I’m not the criminal type but one day I robbed something, I couldn’t help it, the building was so darn tall. I found this Concrete Building that was so tall and I walked inside and I climbed all the way to the top. I stretched my arms far when I reached the top, I stretched them far and wide and really felt the world go round. A rich man walked in around then, he was rich, sweaty and scared. He asks me “What are you doing?” and I say to him “Stealing your view, you paid for it and now I’m stealing it”. That’s when the car with the red lights came to take me away. They took me away, the kept me and they released me. Then I met you. It’s comes full circle now. Everything happens for a reason. Didn’t I tell you it was written? But come now, we must go home. Let’s walk. We are here, home is a good place because it’s warmer than others. There’s Leanne. She’s the only one here. During the daytime kids come over, mean little monsters. Sometimes I yell at them. Don’t yell at kids, they are impressionable and can turn into burglars or psychos or red lights for all we know. But now Leanne is sitting next to the swing set and we must meet her. Leanne whispers in my ear that she likes you, you smell like pasta. She also whispers in my ear that she wants to learn calculus, she already knows algebra. She licks my nose and she howls. It’s a fine noise. I wish more people would howl and lick my nose, they don’t notice me at all. I’m the loneliest man in the crowd. It makes me sad. Sad has its own equation. So does anger and so does fear. Dad taught me to lump them all together, I lumped them into red. I do not enjoy red. Red it seems can only be countered with Leanne, and it seems with you too. I think that you are my friend. I have an equation for a friend. We desire the best for each other. Before I met you, I had searched for many friends. You know, it’s very important to have strong thighs. Females appreciate strong thighs. Now one day, I was at the subway station and I saw the most beautiful woman that I’d ever seen. If you’ve ever been lonely, you know that it’s a chain. I can’t explain it, the chain. But here she was, the change. Change and revolution in a floral print dress. I wanted to be a better man, you can only become a better man with a good woman. But a woman doesn’t want a weakling for a mate. So I jumped off the stairs and I landed next to her. My thighs were rippling with the impact. They were tensed so they looked like marble. It was beautiful. I had my woman’s attention. She looks at me and her eyes widen. She’s impressed. And she say’s “Please leave me alone” and runs away. You know, there’s an equation for happiness. It’s got a lot to do with chocolate and kittens. There are numbers involved. I never really did need her, I never really needed anyone, if I can find the equation for happiness I think I’d be alright.