i do not understand breathing
why something so essential
so necessary for our life
sometimes stops
why, upon seeing a glorious view
picturesque, striking:
a painting of a trillion colors
red and golden brown
green, yellow, magenta;
a boy, his jawline sharp
his eyes like burning coals
his hair so soft
(and i just want to touch it,
touch him);
a girl, her skin all pinks and browns and
lacking in nothing
her eyes like stars in the summer sky
her smile sunlight
(and she lets me touch it
but she does not let me worship her)
she keeps me at arm’s length
and my breath stops when she walks in the room
and i do not think she comprehends
i do not understand breathing
and why it is said to be so simple
“i’m good for one thing only,
and that is taking breath”
what if i am not?
what if my heart leaps in my chest
and the air catches in my lungs?
what if the mere sight of beauty is too much
and i fall to the ground
what then am i good for
if i cannot even draw in air?
i do not understand breathing
how my lungs move up and down
and each inhale
exhale, inhale
exhale
lets me push sound through my mouth
and thoughts through my brain
and words onto paper.
and if every lump in my throat
makes my head spin
and my chest hurt
why then is something
“as simple as taking breath”
i do not understand breathing
why am i yet incapable?
it’s something so innate
that even a child
an infant
rosy-cheeked,
fresh faced and fresh from the womb
lets out a screaming cry
when the doctors slap his buttox
(and who blames him?
whom who has experienced
the joys and evils of this mortal realm
and can yet say with certainty
“it is better to have left the safety
of my mother’s warm body”?
who can say, with a smile
and no hint of anger
no self-doubts
no denial
that something is
“as natural as breathing”
when people die every day
without air)
and others suffer an interior death
as they lose their breath yet again
another lovely face
another heart-wrenching poem
another breath-taking sight
why is breathing so essential for life
if everything around me takes my breath away?
i do not understand breathing.