April Fools

The Race to the Restrooms

A Guide Through the Lavatory Labyrinth

Ben Vastola, Bobby Sweeney, and Chris Bright

Let’s set the stage: it’s third period, around 10:45. You raise your hand to go to the bathroom and step away from class and then it dawns on you that you have no idea which bathroom to go to. The building is like a labyrinth, with twisting corridors and winding hallways, making the search for a clean bathroom more of a crusade. This search for the elusive, perfect bathroom has driven many a student to madness. Still, the question continues to haunt our nightmares: “What is the best bathroom at T.C.?” 

This question has bothered the students and faculty of T.C. for years. Senior Caden Jox said, “Over the course of my three years at the main campus, I never really felt like there was a bathroom that truly was for me.”

Fear not, dear students, we are here to enlighten the student population on the best and worst places to relieve yourself, take a vaping break, or skip class. 

We ranked each bathroom on convenience and location, working facilities, and privacy. The scores ranged from one, for greatness, two for mediocre, and three for absolutely disgusting. The scores were then added up with the lowest score being the “Best Bathroom of T.C.”

Our committee decided that the worst bathroom of our list is the locker room bathrooms. This could not have been an easier decision — its condition is well known among students as one of the more putrid restroom locations. The bathroom is only convenient for students during their gym class and even then, some students avoid it.

“If I really have to go,” said sophomore Thomas Tylander, “I just go to the bathroom outside of the gym. It is way nicer and I don’t have to risk my wellbeing in the noxious fumes of the locker room.”  

Second to last is the B100 hallway bathroom. While it is an acceptable bathroom in terms of location, it has no mirrors and has had its fair share of other issues in the facility.

Senior Swobert Beeney said, “If I can’t be checking myself out in the bathroom, what’s the point of a bathroom?”

The bathroom our professional field team found the most mediocre was the B200s bathrooms. Everything about the bathroom is average. Nothing is wrong with the facility, but there is nothing to write home about.

Junior Aegina Rallen said, “It is an adequate facility to use in a dire time of need. However it does not meet the standards that T.C. students deserve.”

The best bathroom at T.C. is the A100s at a combined score of four. It is one of the largest bathrooms at the school, contains numerous mirrors, and well-working facilities. Located at a well-centralized location near the auditorium and cafeteria, it is a very accessible restroom and typically contains few people in it.

“The [A100s] bathroom is one of the most pristine places of this entire school,” said Senior Bampbell Cright, “This place is the lost eighth wonder of the world. When I die, I wish to have my ashes spread in this most sacred space.”

We hope that you take this knowledge and use it but in moderation. One of the great things that make a bathroom great is its cleanliness; maintaining that will only help improve the facilities. The T.C. staff diligently works at keeping the bathrooms in working shape and it is the job of the student to continue this goal. Godspeed on your future restroom endeavors T.C. students.