Emily Milton
Editor
Recently, the ACHS King Street Instagram and Twitter pages (otherwise known as @alexcitytitans) have exploded with new content. Students, staff and faculty have been dying to know who has taken control of the accounts. Most believe it is International Academy teacher Gabriel Elias, but Theogony sat down with the real man behind the screen, Elon Musk.
Theogony’s investigative team has worked diligently for months to uncover the truth behind this social media outbreak and has finally found the culprit. In fall 2022, just as students prepared for their second post-pandemic year, Musk approached Elias with a deal. Musk would take over social media, with Elias as the decoy to hide his true identity. Musk “wanted to give back to the schools” by providing resources and seeing what students are up to nowadays.
When asked why Musk, who is from South Africa, chose ACHS, a high school right outside of D.C., he said, “Well, you guys were the ones on Remember the Titans. Disney is next on my list.” Musk stated the interaction with the school formerly called T.C. Williams would “boost” his status with Disney executives and make them more likely to pass control of the country over to him by 2033. His eventual goal? Disney World on the moon. In the meantime, he is working with producers on Remember The Titans II: Journey To The Stars, starring himself as “the Titans.”
Among students, many are excited to see such an increased use of social media. Junior Catherine Honda said, “I’ve never seen this many different clubs be spotlighted. Who knew there was a Heimler’s History Appreciation Club?!” But, soon, the content is planned to become more and more tailored for Musk’s personal gain. He states that, in the coming days, there will be weekly raffles where students can win Teslas. However, they must sign a contract stating they will pay him a substantial amount if the cars are taken off campus.
Musk said more updates, including evaluating students’ names to see if they can be extended and making sure all students have an accessible Twitter account, are to come.
Featured image by Emily Milton for Theogony
