The roads are slick with snow and it is cold inside the car. The poor guy, the driver, his hands have to be freezing. So I ask him \u201cHey friend, your hands cold? Want me to warm \u2018em up?\u201d. The driver says to me \u201cBe quiet, we\u2019re almost there\u201d. His fat friend says after a while and with a chuckle, \u201cYou\u2019ve got your hands pinned behind your back, you must be really warm huh?\u201d We leave it at that. Then they drop me off. It\u2019s late and it\u2019s cold and it\u2019s gotta be the seediest part of town. The car flashes those abominable red lights and screeches away. My eyes hurt, damn red lights, that damn driver, good thing his hands are cold, might get in a car crash. I had to sit down. Damn lights. I\u2019m sorry, don\u2019t think much about the lights, I just don\u2019t like them. I know a lot of people who don\u2019t like seafood, seafood upsets them. Light can upset me. I want Leanne. Oh man is it cold, I have to get home. Please stay with me a while. It\u2019s cold and it\u2019s lonely and we can talk. Now, I had mentioned that this was a seedy part of town and it is. It is very seedy and dangerous and all that. I\u2019ve been reading why. They say it\u2019s because the folks here can\u2019t start their own businesses because the banks won\u2019t lend them money because the banks don\u2019t trust them and all. They say it\u2019s like that but I wasn\u2019t born yesterday. I know why. It\u2019s because of sleep. Sleep is so important to your health and bodily functions. Think about it, folks around here worry and fuss all the time, they fight and they drink and they never get the sleep they need. So the next day they do it all over again and feel even sleepier. Then they gotta work and there\u2019s no sleeping at work. After a while it feels like you\u2019re fighting against gravity. And then those damn cars with those red lights come back. It\u2019s just not fair, they don\u2019t understand that my head hurts.\u00a0\u00a0 They keep everybody up. Again don\u2019t think anything of it, anything at all, it\u2019s a lot like diabetes I always say. Like my old man, he had high blood pressure but he never meant any of those things that he did. Say, you seem like the kind of guy who\u2019s interested in stuff. I might as well tell you what I\u2019ve been up to, we are reaching a very special place. I suppose it\u2019s not any more special than any other place, it\u2019s just the first place I thought of telling you something important. Now, I used to be a part of a Church a while back and it was a beautiful place. It was warm and it had chairs and there was food. The people talked about God and Jesus Christ and they were always yelling and shouting and crying. One day it got to me, it really did when they said that good old Christ came down for the Broken. Isn\u2019t everybody broken? So that\u2019s what I did, I changed the sign to something that would reflect who we were. This is what I wrote \u201cPlease join us, we are a bunch of broken people looking to Jesus Christ to Reedem Us.\u201d They didn\u2019t like that and they didn\u2019t ask me to come back and so I didn\u2019t.\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019ve had to walk all my life so I can\u2019t take you in a car and whisk you away. When you\u2019re with me, you\u2019ll never watch lights and trees and buildings melt together with the blur of speed. No when you\u2019re with me we\u2019ll take things one step at a time in the most personal way possible. Walking. And it\u2019s beautiful. Because right now we are about to see a Concrete Building. It\u2019s very special because it was made out of concrete. Now concrete was invented by the Romans and they thought it was revolutionary because they didn\u2019t need supports ringing through it. It\u2019s remarkably hard and cold. It was a late night and I was tired and I couldn\u2019t go home so I fell asleep on a Concrete Building. It was so cold. The next morning my feet were black and the concrete was warm. You\u2019d better believe that the concrete stole my warmth, stole it from underneath my three pairs of socks. So I was angry and I asked the concrete why it did what it did? I asked kindly and quietly. The Universe appreciates it when you are kind to its creatures. They say the Universe was made out of the Big Bang and that our whole existence is a coincidence. It\u2019s either that or God created everything. If God did, then he was a mathematician. I swear to God, there\u2019s math everywhere. Everything\u2019s got a pattern, everything\u2019s got a color, a smell, a texture, that can be turned into a number. Everything\u2019s got a plan that you can follow down to the wire. Red\u2019s got a number too. Everything was written. Or formulated, whatever.\u00a0\u00a0 Now, what if there was a Master Equation? One that told of everything that was and will be? There has to be, there\u2019s an equation for time and space and geometry and cups of eggs and pinches of salts there\u2019s gotta be one for everything that was and will be. I\u2019m going to find it, if I don\u2019t Leanne will. I\u2019m going to tell you how they make concrete. You get aggregate, cement, water, chemical admixtures and reinforcement. You mix it together, reinforcement is optional. People say I\u2019m the criminal type. I\u2019m not, I\u2019m really not. Now I know I\u2019m not the criminal type but one day I robbed something, I couldn\u2019t help it, the building was so darn tall. I found this Concrete Building that was so tall and I walked inside and I climbed all the way to the top. I stretched my arms far when I reached the top, I stretched them far and wide and really felt the world go round. A rich man walked in around then, he was rich, sweaty and scared. He asks me \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d and I say to him \u201cStealing your view, you paid for it and now I\u2019m stealing it\u201d. That\u2019s when the car with the red lights came to take me away. They took me away, the kept me and they released me. Then I met you. It\u2019s comes full circle now. Everything happens for a reason. Didn\u2019t I tell you it was written? But come now, we must go home. Let\u2019s walk. We are here, home is a good place because it\u2019s warmer than others.\u00a0\u00a0 There\u2019s Leanne. She\u2019s the only one here. During the daytime kids come over, mean little monsters. Sometimes I yell at them. Don\u2019t yell at kids, they are impressionable and can turn into burglars or psychos or red lights for all we know. But now Leanne is sitting next to the swing set and we must meet her. Leanne whispers in my ear that she likes you, you smell like pasta. She also whispers in my ear that she wants to learn calculus, she already knows algebra. She licks my nose and she howls. It\u2019s a fine noise. \u00a0I wish more people would howl and lick my nose, they don\u2019t notice me at all. I\u2019m the loneliest man in the crowd. It makes me sad. Sad has its own equation. So does anger and so does fear. Dad taught me to lump them all together, I lumped them into red. I do not enjoy red. Red it seems can only be countered with Leanne, and it seems with you too. I think that you are my friend. I have an equation for a friend. We desire the best for each other. Before I met you, I had searched for many friends. You know, it\u2019s very important to have strong thighs. Females appreciate strong thighs. Now one day, I was at the subway station and I saw the most beautiful woman that I\u2019d ever seen. If you\u2019ve ever been lonely, you know that it\u2019s a chain.\u00a0\u00a0 I can\u2019t explain it, the chain. But here she was, the change.\u00a0\u00a0 Change and revolution in a floral print dress. I wanted to be a better man, you can only become a better man with a good woman. But a woman doesn\u2019t want a weakling for a mate. So I jumped off the stairs and I landed next to her. My thighs were rippling with the impact. They were tensed so they looked like marble. It was beautiful. I had my woman\u2019s attention. She looks at me and her eyes widen. She\u2019s impressed. And she say\u2019s \u201cPlease leave me alone\u201d and runs away. You know, there\u2019s an equation for happiness. It\u2019s got a lot to do with chocolate and kittens. There are numbers involved. I never really did need her, I never really needed anyone, if I can find the equation for happiness I think I\u2019d be alright.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The roads are slick with snow and it is cold inside the car. The poor guy, the driver, his hands<\/p>\n