Day 1<\/p>\n
It\u2019s nice here. The food is okay, but I could go for some pizza. Nice. Nice. I\u2019m sure you\u2019re nice too. I\u2019m Christopher Coppen. They told me to write to someone, so I don\u2019t think too much. I don\u2019t really know what they mean. Thinking is good. That\u2019s all I ever did at college. Think. It was the end of sophomore year when I left. I think what I miss most are the books. Like ones about Vlad the Impaler. Man, he was a cool guy. All those different ways he could kill people, you know? All the fear of him. I think people are afraid of me too. They don\u2019t really look at me. They look to the side of me or through me. I always sit alone at lunch. People part like the red sea when I walk by. I looked at my reflection in the window a little while ago (no mirrors in this room). It was a little hard to see myself. Like I was going to blink out in a second. Or maybe it was the bars on the window. I have shaggy, mousy brown hair. Blue eyes. My mother never liked them much because they remind her too much of dad. He left when I was too little to know him. I\u2019m lean, but not too muscly. I don\u2019t like those muscly types. So what is it people are scared of? I\u2019m not exactly physically imposing. I keep getting these flashes in my head of some guy swinging a knife around. The other guy in the room looks frightened. He\u2019s kinda on the floor cowering back against a dresser. I think it\u2019s from a nightmare I keep having. I think slasher guys are cool though. They don\u2019t use guns. Guns are too fast. The guy on the floor should get it together. Why can\u2019t he defend himself? He\u2019s much bigger than the guy with the knife. Then the nightmare ends and all I see is this white light. Not in my head. I actually can\u2019t see for a second. Okay. I\u2019m going to bed. Not much to do around here with no books and all.<\/p>\n
Day 14<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t leave my room. I want to. It feels almost dangerous to leave. But boring staying here. All the more reason. I want to go for a run. The kind of run that leaves me feeling so exhausted I just want to sit on the ground and put my head between my knees, clutching my throbbing chest. I wish I at least had some music or something. Nirvana. The kind of music you break things to.<\/p>\n
Mom hasn\u2019t visited once since I\u2019ve been here. I don\u2019t get why. She hasn\u2019t even written me or anything. I feel lonely. The people who bring my food don\u2019t look at me either. They smile at the floor so politely. It\u2019s insulting. Why can\u2019t someone just see me? I keep getting these flashes in my head of some guy swinging a knife around.<\/p>\n
At night I hear scratches on the floor. I think there are rats in here. If there\u2019s one thing I can\u2019t stand, its rats. I don\u2019t want them chewing on my feet in the dark. I crawled all over the floor to find one. Maybe I could kill it. Something to do. Something else funny–I keep hearing screams. It seems like the same person. I keep getting these flashes in my head of some guy swinging a knife around. Must be some weirdoes here.<\/p>\n
Day 30<\/p>\n
When I was awoken this morning, one of the men in white looked at the floor in surprise. There were deep gouges in the wood. It\u2019s the rats, I told him. He smiled politely at my feet. He left the room, and I turned and stared out the window. He came back a moment later, with bandages. He began to wrap them around my hands. I didn\u2019t notice before. My nails are bloodied and my fingers are full of cuts. There\u2019s nothing sharp in this room. I don\u2019t understand. I keep getting these flashes in my head of this guy waving a knife around.<\/p>\n
Day 45<\/p>\n
Today I feel good. I was thinking about my dog, Ringo. I bet he misses me. We used to go hunting for rabbits together in the woods by my house. I didn\u2019t shoot them very much. I would just watch Ringo find them and tear them to pieces. Afterward I would pet him on the head and he would lick my face. Then my cheek would be warm from the blood on his mouth. I came home one time and mom flipped. She thought I\u2019d been attacked. I just smiled. When I woke up this morning my pillow was in shreds. The mattress was pushed completely off the bed, and there were deep gouges in it. I think the rats tried to eat me while I was sleep. What did they put in my food? I couldn\u2019t have slept through that. I should leave. I should leave. I keep getting these flashes in my head of some guy waving a knife around.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m opening the door. The door I\u2019m not supposed to open. I\u2019m walking down the hall. No one has stopped me yet. No one will stop me. No one. Will. Stop. Me.<\/p>\n
Footsteps behind me now. They\u2019re getting closer. Voices. Voices calling me to stop. I start running. Running so that my chest will throb. No, running to leave. Faster now. Faster and faster and faster. Blinding white light. I can\u2019t see. Hands on my arms. Hands all over me. Pushing me down. No.<\/p>\n
I am waving a knife. <\/em>And plunging it into one of the men in white feels good as he stops and rubies gush out of him over my hands. His white uniform blushes crimson. And there is red, red everywhere and it is all so beautiful. And I am Vlad the Impaler and I am Ringo in the woods and finally, all eyes are on me and I am seen.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Day 1 It\u2019s nice here. The food is okay, but I could go for some pizza. Nice. Nice. I\u2019m sure<\/p>\n